Fly Away Home

I’m on the plane from Dublin to Chicago. I’ll be spending about ten hours in the air today. I’m going home.

It is such a beautiful thing that when God made us, He gave us the ability to leave parts of ourselves behind us when we leave a place. I’ve left pieces of my heart all over Europe, and now Ireland has joined the ranks. It’s not really about the place. It’s pretty, sure. That’s not enough for me to fall in love though.

My heart was stolen by a thirteen year old girl who listens to screamo and dyes her hair two new neon colors every week. A really skinny ginger kid who is in desperate need of a haircut. He plays bass and loves a kitten named Blaze. A quiet boy who lives in a bright yellow house. He has brown eyes and a smile that would melt a glacier. He claps whenever someone does something funny, weird, or just plain dumb. Everyone else always claps with him. He’s just that kind of kid. A young woman who is going to be a kickin mom someday. She wears bright colors, classy skirts, and comfy black shoes. Her smiles are like sunshine. She’s a pro at hiding when she’s hurting, and she always puts everyone else before herself. This one guy who has only been playing guitar for two years, but sounds like he’s been at it for ten. He was born to be a leader. He’s a goof, but every now and then he’ll blow you away – showing courage that few his age have. The first to try something new. The first to pray out loud in front of everyone else. He’s gonna change this world. They all are. There are more. So many more. A boy who wears all black and is obsessed with Paramore. He doesn’t know who he is yet, but that’s ok. Not many of us do. A young girl with freckles who loves the feeling of going outside at 2am in her bare feet and looking at the stars. She says there is something special about feeling the cold wind in your face and listening to the quiet. I think she’s starting to realize that feeling is really our God singing her love songs. A farm girl who can go a little crazy with her friends, but listens more than she talks. She asks the hard questions like why do bad things happen to good people. A girl who wears a little too much make up. She’s good at hiding things – like how much she’s hurting over the problems at home. She’s learning how to let God be her strength. Loud kids. Quiet kids. Crazy, dramatic, brilliant, hilarious, kind, incredible Irish teenagers who stole my heart.

Stretching myself. Planning until 2am. Trusting. Walking in the rain. Being patient – meeting them where they are. Eating. Forgetting to eat. Drinking tea. Speaking. Skits. Games. Videos. More tea. Parent meetings. Prayer. Sitting on the shopping center floor and counting tshirts and pennies. Getting up early. Going to bed late. Drinking more tea. Cleaning up after forty-three kids. Phone calls. Teaching them how to pray. A thousand to do lists. Teaching them it’s ok to cry. Bus rides. More tea. Sharing music with them. Being speechless when they go above and beyond. Never forgetting the looks on their faces when they realized God is the answer to every question they didn’t know they were asking. Laughing. Inside jokes. Walking into Mass and seeing two pews full of teens who couldn’t tell me the last time they’d been – right up front in a church filled with people who had almost given up on them. My heart exploding with pride in the courage they showed. Hugging them goodbye and never wanting to let go. Wiping tears off their faces and promising to stay in touch. Sobbing with Hannah for two hours after we’d officially left. I will never forget.

Youth ministry. It’s what I was made for. I am not worthy to do what I love to do. Plain and simple. Looking back, I am so, so grateful that God did what He did with the little bit that I gave Him. In some ways, I could have given Him more. I’m not cutting myself down, just calling myself out. The thing about this job is that you can’t do it with half of you or 99% of you. You do it with all of you. Passion. Love. Sacrifice. Giving them so much of yourself that if they hurt, you hurt. Giving God all of yourself so that when they hurt, and you hurt for them, He heals. Loving without out limits. Giving everything. Living like you have something worth dying for. Showing them that they do too. I love every second of it. I don’t know how it is possible that God could see fit to use me, in all of my failures and brokenness, to do so much. I just know He does. Lives changed this summer – mine among them. He’s always working. Always shaping us into more of who we are meant to be. It’s incredible. I am blessed, and I am grateful.

Now I’m on the way home. In a few hours, I’ll be hugging baby brothers and sisters and parents. It’s like canon-balling into love. I can’t wait. I get a whole month with my families, and then back to school. I’m really excited to see what God has in store next. I’m planning on working my butt off in classes and my spiritual life. Not that I didn’t work hard before – I have. I’m just SO excited to give more. The more I learn and the more I love, the more I’m going to be a ready instrument for Him to use for the next group of kids. That’s pretty darn cool.

God save Ireland. God bless America. Long live the pope. :-D

Strawberries & Cream and Frank Sinatra

I know. I’m the worst blogger ever. I’m not making apologies anymore. I’ve just accepted my weaknesses and you all have to put up with it. (:

Ok. So. Tomorrow is the halfway mark. Three weeks gone, three weeks to go. If you haven’t seen the video that Hannah Voss tagged me in on facebook, go watch it. It’s a good time, and it’ll let you know what we’ve been up to and what we’ve got planned. In the mean time, I’ll take this opportunity to tell you about today.

It was our first real day off since we got here. Mary Macken (the fabulous woman we’re staying with) packed us up in the car and we headed across the country. Literally. Ireland is kinda small compared to the US. Mary brought lunch and we brought a couple CDs with some fancy-schmancy playlists. We’ve spent the day walking along the Cliffs of Moher (if you’ve EVER seen a seaside picture of Ireland, you’ve probably seen them) and along the beach in Salthill, which is in Galway. We took tons of super touristy pictures, chilled out, laughed, and ate food. One of the most popular desserts at Mary’s house seems to be strawberries & cream, which is absolutely fine by me. No sugar! Happy day. So, we ate fresh picked strawberries and sipped tea by the sea (in the car by the sea, but by the sea nonetheless) and now we’re driving home listening to Frank Sinatra, whose music I’ve fallen in love with on a new level. It’s been a beautiful, restful, thoroughly Irish day. Much needed.

The video will let you know the majority of what we’ve been up to, but I’ll use this post to add some personal details.

First of all, I love what we’re doing. I honestly don’t have words to describe how much I was just straight up created for this. Evangelization is the most exhilarating, satisfying, and all around wonderful thing I’ve ever been blessed enough to experience. So far things have been mostly logistical and preparational, but it won’t be too much longer before we’re up to our ears in kids and their hopes and dreams and fears and faith. I can’t wait. Right now, I’m working with a relatively small community and primarily targeting teenagers. It’s awesome, but at the same time I can’t help feel like God is only beginning to get me ready for something much bigger. I have absolutely no idea what that might be, but when He tells me I’ll let you know.

These have been a crazy three weeks. We’ve been working and planning every single day without actually seeing much fruit. That’s not because things are going poorly, but because we’re laying a foundation for what is to come. The fruit will show later, and most of it will have to be harvested by whoever comes after us. Because we aren’t seeing the results right in front of our faces, it has been a challenge to keep pressing in with the same enthusiasm. However, we are leaning heavily on God and trusting Him to bless our efforts to do His will. We’re walking blindly – trusting Him. As always, He has been faithful. Every obstacle that has come up has been overcome. Never once has He failed to give us more than what we needed.

In a lot of ways, I am really grateful that the “fruits” of our work here have been subtle. God has been quietly calling me to allow Him to be my complete fulfillment. Not only has He been consistently stealing more and more of my heart, but He has set Himself up as my sole means of gratification. Any part of me that used to (stupidly) look for happiness to come from my own accomplishments (as if they were ever mine at all…) hasn’t been allowed to be satisfied outside of His quiet, beautiful work on my heart. I’m becoming more of myself – the way He wants me to be. I like it (:

On a slightly more superficial level, I’ve also been working on a couple non-work related projects. The first is Mary’s yard. It’s a beast.  Don’t think “yard”. Think “multiple fields with grass up to your knees composed of approx. 50% stinging nettle”. I want to get as much done for her as I can while I’m here, which won’t be as much as I’d like, but alas, such is life. There will be before and after pictures eventually.
The other project is top secret. See, it’s actually not a big deal. No. Seriously. It’s barely even worth mentioning. However, I am working on it, and it is a surprise, though it’s a small and essentially insignificant one. I’m only even bringing it up because, though I’m a fantastic secret-keeper, I’m horrible at my own surprises because I get too excited. But you shouldn’t get excited. Trust me. It’s not worth being excited about, I’m just lame-sauce.
I know that is just cruel and unusual for all of you. Sorry.

I love you.